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It was perhaps the worst idea I have ever had. I was just looking for the next challenging thing to do, just to say it didn’t conquer me. So I recommended to several of my friends to come climb the South Sister Mountain with me, which practically hovered above the earth’s atmosphere. I was thoroughly warned by those familiar with the climb that it isn’t something to attempt in a day, which we were obligated to do regardless. I should have listened because it became one of the longest days of my life.
We started off before the sun was ready to meet us. Chirping, rustling, growling was all about us, but it was impossible to see what was making these noises due to the thick forest that caved in over us. Five of us followed round about the narrow trails in an ordered line. I kept my eyes intently on the person in front of me because I feared what lied but a stretch away in the murky forest. The mosquitos were viciously taking advantage of our already weary team.
Nothing could have pleased us more than to be welcomed by the sunshine’s beautiful smile as we rushed restlessly out of the miserable forest and away from our attackers. My friend Jimmy turned with a confident smile and stated sarcastically, “That was easy, especially the killer swarm of mosquitos.”
I could tell the rest of our group members appeared rather pale as they were itching from the bites. To which I mumbled, hoping no one would hear, “Let’s never go through there again”. The thought was nice, but the reality was the forested path of disaster was the only way to return after we reach the top.
It seemed like the walk required to the base of the mountain was pleasant and easy from there on out because the sun wasn’t hidden behind thick forested trees like previously. When we reached the base of South Sister, we all hopelessly glanced up to the ever increasing mountain that waited to taunt our efforts to scale it. Vance our current leader and only person to have beforehand hiked the mountain offered words of encouragement “Don’t fall off an edge and die”. Simple, logical, advice I believe we could all agree on.
It felt as if the mountain knew we were coming and tried to adjust its slopes in order to push us back with ridiculous angles. Our poor hands were torn by the jagged rocks because we kept slipping from the small rock fragments that delightfully teased us as they slid out from under our feet. Perhaps the only thing that kept us going was the naive thought that it would only be a couple more steps. However, if I dared to look up I knew this was a hopeless, horrible, lie.
“I can’t go on much more,” Vance admitted, almost in tears.
“Are you sure? It’s just a little higher,” I comfortingly counseled.
He slowly sat down on a rock and looked down shamefully defeated, “I’ll wait for you to finish”.
It was ironic that the only one of us who had successfully climbed the mountain before had given up just short of the top. I felt compelled to join him because I was utterly exhausted, not to mention out of water. However, I heard a familiar hymn being sung from Jimmy, accompanied by the other two who were a stones toss ahead. They vibrantly sang with enthusiasm “High on a mountain top, a banner is unveiled…” My feet began to willing dance their way up the mountain, even though my brain insisted that I stop. Yet, my heart would not let me quit.
When I finally reached the peak of the mountain I was almost too tired to even celebrate.. I began munching on the snow that littered the entire top, hoping to get water anyway possible way. I felt like I was hallucinating when I saw the breath taking view because of dehydration from lack of water. Regardless, the view was unimaginably beautiful with endless forest and wilderness stretching out in every direction from the mountain. It was completely worth it. Even though I was hurt and completely drained, I thought to myself, I just climbed and overcame this mountain, I did not quit.
Jimmy came up from behind me and spoiled the refreshing moment as he pointed out the obvious truth, “We have to go all the back now.”
Down the slippery slope we ran, with pebbles making their unwelcoming home in our shoes. Across the sunny plain we marched anticipating the forested trail it led into. Through the forest we managed to avoid the predators and finally find the car that brought us to this eventful day.
I wobbled as I approached the car, because of the 14 mile hike up the most ruthless mountain I have ever climbed. I had been warned not to do it in one day, but it was the fact that I ran out of water that made the hike so treacherous. Never in my life have I felt so much relief as when I sat down comfortably in my car seat. I didn't want to think about what I had just went through because thinking at that moment hurt, as well as the rest of my body. The only thing that kept going through my head was I did it.
Very good narrative. I like the detail and description that was present throughout the story. It made you feel the hardships and tribulations that was being experienced. Just need to reread the story and fix the grammatical/spelling errors. For example in the first sentence it should be idea instead of ideal. Also having detail about you running out of water and how that affected your journey I think would help. I think your central message and your change is good, could be shown a little more than tell but it really is good. Good Luck with your final draft.
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